I just worked really hard on this.

And my life is still not a high school musical.

And our faces are still square.

We just watched all three HSM movies again and it's all just so darn moving! That last scene just makes me choke up. "Why can't the rest of my life be like a high school musical?" Awww. Why does it all have to end? Why?? Why??? I'm so not ready for New Moon.

Braised Lamb Shank Recipe

Hello, Sam's birthday dinner:

Here are the Lizzified [simplified, tweaked, originified, unwineified] recipes:

Braised Lamb Shank
Serves 2
Ingredients:
1 lamb shank
1 onion
1 large carrot
1 stick celery
2 cloves garlic
8 oz can pureed tomato sauce
1 can beef broth (14-15 oz)
salt, pepper, and rosemary
1 pot/vessel with lid that can be put in the oven

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees about 3 1/2 hours before you plan to eat. This is simple to prepare, cooks slowly, and is definitely worth the wait. Prep is simple: Chop your veggies up. Onions in big pieces. Garlic can be sliced or diced. Carrots and celery are self explanatory.

Almost forgot: to prep your lamb shank for cooking, trim off excess fat. [And here's a trick I saw on the Food Network: using your knife, cut around the tendons on the end of the bone. Sounds gross, but what will happen is that the meat won't be, like, constricted? Is that weird to say? Like, when it's cooking it will shrink on the bone and look like a turkey leg on cartoons. Is this TMI? I'm done. Sorry, vegetarians. I like lamb so much. Baaa.]

Heat your pot (if you're using an oven-safe pot) to medium high with a couple tablespoons oil. Generously salt and pepper the lamb shank. Braise the lamb by browning it on all sides, turning it with tongs. Remove the shank and set aside on a plate.

In the same hot pan, sautee the onions, carrots, celery, and garlic, sprinkling on a few dashes of salt and a 1/2 tsp rosemary. Once the onions begin to brown, add the tomato sauce and beef broth.

Add the lamb shank to the pot--ideally to submerge it like halfway in the base. Cover the pot with the lid and stick the whole ordeal in the oven. Cook for 2.5 to 3 hours (depending on the size of your shank, baby), turning the lamb over halfway through. Then you will eat it. And you will love it.

Sauteed Asparagus with Lemon & Thyme
Saute thinly sliced onions in olive oil with dash o' salt until clear and beginning to brown (heat at med. high). Add asparagus (with woody ends cut off) for 3-5 minutes. Squeeze juice from one lemon over the asparagus and sprinkle with thyme leaves (1/2 tbs?). Salt and pepper to taste. Sautee for another minute. Consume.

Mashed Sweet Potatoes
I always get sweet potatoes and yams mixed up, but use the orange-er variety. Cut desired amount into pieces and boil in water until soft. Add a couple spoonfuls of brown sugar or sugar to the water (if you want), depending on how sweet you feel and how fat you want to be. Drain the water off and mash up soft orange mush with your preferred amount of butter, honey, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and/or cloves depending on your mood, diet, or doctor's orders. Forget about your doctor's orders, remember you are eating a sibling of the carrot and eat.

I am reliving.

I have just relived a small portion of my life, and it is 2:30 and I have no one with whom I can communicate.

I recently felt the need to reread my journals, and it is leading me further and further into the early hours of the morning with each passing night. I've gotten through about 500 pages and am fourteen years old now. I am rediscovering some very fundamental facts about who I am, or who I was. I'm in a vortex, reliving my life with old characters who are still alive, people I have distanced myself from through time, geography, religion, and education.

They are so real to me, these people who embraced me and discovered with me the electricity and power of NEW, that substance that fills the young mind and shoots out your eyelids. I am young! Each day is an exciting new adventure! I am in school with swarms of vibrant, adventurous minds! I am everyone and everywhere all at once!

I want to be that young again, so innocent, so pure and excited about the details of every day. I was engulfed in my schooling, by literature and world history, biology, music, friendships, and love. I was SO SMART. What happened to me?

I'll tell you what happened. I just danced close with a boy for the first time and we held hands, and I felt so, so guilty, like a total skank, like I needed to repent and I would, I'm too young to be doing things like that--dancing close, I don't want to end up pregnant, oh gosh, what was I thinking going to a school dance at fourteen, what will become of me, what do I do?

Now there's a boy sleeping next to me and I'm feeling fine.

In approximately 9,000 pages I will be back to today. I am no longer in the present. Wish me luck on my journey.

Thoughts for the Single New Yorker

I just posted this comment on a friend's blog in response to a discussion on the ever-so-popular (or unpopular) single's ward enigma, which I'm posting to myself as a reminder for the days when I feel like the odd one out:

I don't think being married suddenly solves some of the cultural ideosycrasies of the Church, makes you fit the mold, or makes you another cookie-cutter member of the family "club." Even now that I'm married, I often feel like the oddball in the ward, like my husband and I are different. But it doesn't make me less active and it doesn't make me question the pure gospel and Spirit that is the foundation of the Church as a social structure. It doesn't make me question those who already have two children and are younger than me, or myself for not having two children yet. I'm okay with being myself, if that means being different. Everyone is different.

You will always be unique. If or when you are married and have a family, I think you will still struggle to be a unique individual and couple raising a family that is completely one of a kind. You will never have a stereotypical family because you are not a stereotype, and that's what makes you so awesome.

I'd encourage you to embrace your individualism and the marvelous qualities that make you who you are, including that you are single and stylish and living in New York and have awesome hair. That's what everyone loves about you, and that's what the Lord loves about you. I don't think he would have you change a thing--single or not.

No matter where you are or what you are doing or who you become in your life journey, you can be yourself and know that the Lord doesn't require you to be anything else. You're just what the world needs.

Baby in Kennel

Last night Sam and I rented Raising Arizona, which I didn't stay awake to finish. However, it did lead into my dreams, a bizarre nightmare in which we somehow acquired a blonde baby on a whim and approached it the same way we did our recent, impulsive acquisition of a beagle puppy.

We were trying to decide who would get up in the morning to feed the baby, change its diaper, and put it down for a nap. We decided Sam would come home during lunch to repeat the routine, much like letting the puppy out for a whiz midday. In the evening, upon arriving home, I would feed the baby, change its diaper, and put it down for a nap. And in the in-between times we would simply put the baby in a kennel with a blanket while we did our own thing.

[This is an image of the Baby Cage, invented in 1937, which was given to members of London's Chelsea Baby Club who did not have gardens in tenement housing.]

Back in reality, Sam and I went to Borders last night and ran into a girl from church who has the same haircut I do. Whenever I talk to her I contemplate the slight differences in the way our bangs hang and our jawlines look in relation to the slightly-above-the-chin length cut. Her hair is blonde, so luckily, people recognize our identical haircut as an afterthought.

Anyway, she was there with her young children, one of whom was making an escape as we came down the escalator and said hello. She asked if we were on a date, and we said, "Mmm, I guess you could call it that," because going to Borders isn't what we usually consider a date, but then a lightbulb went on and she said, with this nostaligic air, "Oh, I guess when you don't have kids, every night is like date night. I can't remember the last time my husband and I could go out without the kids." Something like that. Sam's mom has said the "every night is date night" thing before when we were newlyweds and Sam napped through Friday night when I wanted to go out after being home all day and it was totally upsetting at the time. And Sam's brother has said something like "unlike his married friends, at least his Saturdays aren't booked for the next twenty years." Much to contemplate.

I'm considering these thoughts in relation to my dream with the baby in the kennel. We couldn't even handle a dog, and we could be parents someday? In lieu of our experience with Zio, we have been seeing life through the "lens of reality"; in other words, we have embraced a more cynical view of our dreams. I.e., purchasing a hanging basket to hold our mail will in fact not help pay off lingering credit card debt from the move. I.e., maybe I should face the facts that staying home and persistantly trying to keep up with the dirty dishes during "creative" time as a stay-at-home writer and musician may not pay the bills. Not that we've given up on our dreams at all--we're not that kind. We shoot for the stars.

But I did decide to take a break from "working for the man" and am back to freelancing as a musician and writer. On days when I want to buy new shoes but hesitate, I think maybe I should give in and go back to working for the next "man." But I also decided it's time to get off my toosh, like if I'm going to be a real book-writing writer, maybe I should start working on a book, so I have.

This, of course, isn't the first time I've dived into a project that I've never finished or given up on as a result of realizing it was such a stupid, stupid idea, geez, what was I thinking! But, this time around I haven't made any unrealistic expectations except to consistantly work on it, don't be afraid to write and rewrite portions, and . . . don't talk about it.

Don't ask me what it's about because as soon as I verbalize my ideas it's going to sound so, so dumb and then I'll give up. So. Alas. I'll let you know how it's coming along. I'm at 8% of my 75,000 word goal. That's not too bad. It's a work in progress. I think it's a good idea. I dunno. I just feel like my mind won't get any sharper beyond my early-twenties, so if I'm going to do anything worthwhile with my intellect, now is probably the time.

The 1994 Edition of Animals Digest

[The following is a transcription of Animals Digest, a pocket-size magazine written by myself and my elementary school best friend, Mimi, when we were approximately 8 years old. Animals Digest is a limited edition publication from the third grade and is currently out of print.]

[P.S. I'd like to note that Mimi is now and English teacher and I'm pursuing a career as a writer. So. This is only the beginning of what would become our future professions.]

[P.P.S. I got accepted to an MFA program in creative writing for June! Yes!]

Animals Digest

[Golden retriever sticker here.]

TO PICK OUT YOUR PET
If you are allergic to a certain animal, do not get it. But if you have that animal and you just find out that you are allergic to it, give it a bath every month. Stay away from it, too.

In other means, pick out an animal you know you will take care of, feed it, and give it lots of love. When you know what you want, go to any humane society to pick it out.

[Humane society illustration here.]

TO NAME YOUR PET
If you have a hard time giving your pet a name, read this.

First, you might play with your pet. See what it likes. Name it something, like if it dodges after a ball you might name it Dodger. Second, you might name it from its color. Like if it's the color of a piece of candied ginger, you might name it Ginger.

[Ginger candy and Ginger the Cat illustration here.]

IF YOUR PET IS ACTING WEIRD
If your pet is acting weird, it's probably sick. Quickly call a vet and tell them what the problem is. The veterinarian will tell you when to bring your pet over. They might look at what your pet does weird-like and might give it a shot. Let it rest for a few days and wait till it looks better. Other times it might just be playing. Let it play then.

[Cross-eyed bassett hound with crossed legs illustration here. See image above.]

YOUR PET'S DIET
If your pet is a baby, feed it something soft to eat. Grownups can eat hard food. You can feed it human food every once and a while. On its birthday you can give it a special meal, too. If it's sick, let it eat as much as it wants. If it doesn't eat, take it to the vet for a checkup to see if it's okay. If not, take care of it well.

[Food bowl illustration here.]

YOU AND YOUR PET
Your pet is always one of your best friends. Treat it like one and make sure it always feels at home. Sometimes your pet might despise you, so treat it well and it will get much better.

Remember, dog's a man's best friend.

I am . . .

. . . starting to feel this urge again to accomplish something unreal, to be famous, to be an artist. I want to take over the world.