[The following is a transcription of Animals Digest, a pocket-size magazine written by myself and my elementary school best friend, Mimi, when we were approximately 8 years old. Animals Digest is a limited edition publication from the third grade and is currently out of print.][P.S. I'd like to note that Mimi is now and English teacher and I'm pursuing a career as a writer. So. This is only the beginning of what would become our future professions.]
[P.P.S. I got accepted to an MFA program in creative writing for June! Yes!]
Animals Digest
[Golden retriever sticker here.]
TO PICK OUT YOUR PET
If you are allergic to a certain animal, do not get it. But if you have that animal and you just find out that you are allergic to it, give it a bath every month. Stay away from it, too.
In other means, pick out an animal you know you will take care of, feed it, and give it lots of love. When you know what you want, go to any humane society to pick it out.
[Humane society illustration here.]
TO NAME YOUR PET
If you have a hard time giving your pet a name, read this.
First, you might play with your pet. See what it likes. Name it something, like if it dodges after a ball you might name it Dodger. Second, you might name it from its color. Like if it's the color of a piece of candied ginger, you might name it Ginger.
[Ginger candy and Ginger the Cat illustration here.]
IF YOUR PET IS ACTING WEIRD
If your pet is acting weird, it's probably sick. Quickly call a vet and tell them what the problem is. The veterinarian will tell you when to bring your pet over. They might look at what your pet does weird-like and might give it a shot. Let it rest for a few days and wait till it looks better. Other times it might just be playing. Let it play then.
[Cross-eyed bassett hound with crossed legs illustration here. See image above.]
YOUR PET'S DIET
If your pet is a baby, feed it something soft to eat. Grownups can eat hard food. You can feed it human food every once and a while. On its birthday you can give it a special meal, too. If it's sick, let it eat as much as it wants. If it doesn't eat, take it to the vet for a checkup to see if it's okay. If not, take care of it well.
[Food bowl illustration here.]
YOU AND YOUR PET
Your pet is always one of your best friends. Treat it like one and make sure it always feels at home. Sometimes your pet might despise you, so treat it well and it will get much better.
Remember, dog's a man's best friend.
6 comments:
Oh. yes. I'm still laughing.
Congratulations on the MFA! That sounds fun. Your magazine is hilarious.
I would like to point out that neither of us became veterinarians, which is probably a good thing based on some of the advice we gave...
And I love the advice to "stay away" from animals that you are allergic to even though you apparently adopted them. That sounds like a gem of wisdom from a third grader's mind. :)
I love the things that you misheard and wrote down or simply were confused about: "In other means" and "Once and a while."
I should look through my journals from my childhood and see what sorts of things I misheard.
Congrats on the Creative Writing program! That is fantastic.
And that is an awesome, awesome guide book. I love at the end how the pet sometimes might despise you. Those darn fickle animals!
That is incredibly impressive for 8 year olds! :) And that's cool that you had/have a friend named Mimi. And I definitely smiled at the advice of what to do if you have a pet you become allergic too. :)
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