Alas, life is not this way.
Despite the look in his eyes.
I have to be honest, so here is the truth: Sam and I are thinking of returning Zio, our new beagle puppy, to the breeder. This was one impulsive decision that is not panning out the way we'd convinced ourselves--and you--that it might.
This potential breakup is looming over our heads. We fell in love, but this relationship isn't heading in the right direction. He was cute, we met up, we had a first date and we couldn't resist the charm. The sweet kisses, the cuddling on the couch, the companionship--it all seemed too good to be true. But then this relationship turned needy. Needier than we expected. That black cloud of anxiety I felt with old, wrong boyfriends has returned to my life in the form of a dog.
Sam confessed to me that he feels in the wrong, that he feels he should take the blame for this one. He knew I wasn't a dog person, he knew I'd be the one primarily taking care of the dog, and he convinced me with the persuasive charm that changed my name to Lambson that a beagle would be the next best thing in our life.
Like the Kindle, the Smart Pen, the re-seeded lawn, or the green leather heels from Nordstrom, this impulsive need for the puppy became the obsession of the week, the must-have, the NEED. (But I still need those green shoes.) We fought for Zio. We read up a storm with piles of dog and beagle books from the library. We dived in the way we always dive into things like jobs at McDonalds, moves, opportunities, crazy ideas. It's what makes our life so awesome and adventurous . . . but not all our impulsive decisions are the best ideas in the end.
I had a difficult week with the puppy. When we drove home with him and for the following few days, I felt sick inside by how uncomfortable I was around the dog and by the overwhelming propect of taking care of him and cleaning up after him for up to 15 years. He has been cute and fun, and we've gone on nice walks and outings, but . . . it doesn't feel right. It happened so fast, and it's not what I pictured in the story of my life.
When Sam came home two weeks ago and said he wanted to get a dog, I didn't want to hold him back. I like to be supportive--I want to do things that will make my husband happy. And I am always willing to try new things. But this willingness to try new things is what sometimes comes back to haunt me.
I spent most of the week at home--this was my first week home since I left the quilt shop--and taking care of Zio took hours of constant effort and attention. You could say to me that taking care of a child is like taking care of a puppy, but I want to persuade you in the way that I do that it is not the same. It. Is. Not. The. Same. Dogs are not and will never be children. Three months of nannying a 3-month old baby was far, far, far different from what it's like to watch a 3-month old dog.
You could say that getting rid of the dog is cruel--would I give away my child if I didn't like it? Well, no, I wouldn't. Let me tell you why: my child would be my human child, and this puppy is a DIFFERENT SPECIES. We are not related, we are not the same, and owning a dog is not parenthood. Breaking up with the dog is not like breaking up with a person. The person may never forgive you, but the dog doesn't even know that his week at the Lambson's wasn't like any other week at a boarding house. He'll probably be stoked to see his parents and siblings again.
And here I go again, convincing you that this is the right thing, when last week the right thing was something completely different.
I'm still feeling overwhelmed, lost, and out of control, and adding one more thing to that list of overwhelming factors I posted a few days ago was not the answer. It's time to simplify. It's time to return to what we know of ourselves. It's time to make home like home again.
9 comments:
Oh Liz. I feel your pain. We have a dog that is five years old, we got him when he was just a few months old. Biggest regret of my life. My husband and children adore him, and I tolerate. If I thought I could stand the repercussions, I would have given him back years ago. The good news for me is that he is an outside dog, so at least I have that much going for me!!
Hang in there.
You gotta do what you gotta do. I'll never understand those people who are obsessed with suffering dogs while tons of humans are suffering. Not that your dog is suffering or anything, but there are people out there who will tell you that you made a commitment to that dog and need to stick to it even if you don't like dogs and your kids are allergic. Those people are a tiny bit nuts.
On the bright side, my dog was a pain in the beginning, but he has turned out to be mellow and nice. His only accidents are when he is sick, and the only things he chews are baby toys (which look a lot like dog toys.) So maybe Zio will grow up to be easier. And if he's and outdoor dog, you wouldn't have to worry about the hair. I'd give Lando up for the hair alone.
As one who is not a dog person, I don't think you should feel bad at all about returning the dog. That's actually better than selling him to someone else--he's going home. And I'm with you on the child vs dog comparison. I love my baby, but I really don't love dogs.
Oh, Marianne, Schmath, Jennifer. Thank you for your support. It's heartbreaking, but I think we're making the right decision. He's so cute, but . . . he deserves better.
Sigh. I AM an animal person, and in fact, the kind that Schmath doesn't understand. (Truth is, I like most animals better than I like most people.) My family has had a beagle, name Zoe, for eleven years. And while I agree that it's not the same as a human baby, the fact of the matter is they both require attention, time, and love. Dogs less so than humans.
So, all that said, I'm not going to tell you that you should keep the dog, especially if you're going to resent him. Animals are sensitive to that kind of thing. It's okay if you're not a dog person.
He IS a cute little bugger, though.
I can see this totally happening to me--Royce is dying to have a dog and I am feeling like I cannot deny him that dream. But what consequences will that decision bring? Oh my Liz, you've given me a lot to think about! Good luck!
I know it is a tough day for you - I hope it all goes well.
Sorry Rachel. That was kind of rude of me. It's really just those people who think pets are more important than people that I don't get. I was reading a message board about allergies the other day, and there were some moms saying that they wouldn't get rid of their pets even though their kids were allergic because the pets were part of the family too. Crazy, right? Or am I just heartless?
I once had a roommate tell me I'd be a bad mom because I don't like dogs. I tried to explain to her that dogs and children are very different things. She didn't get it.
So, dogs aren't children and you definitely don't need to feel bad about returning the puppy. Besides you're doing it out of love!
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