I just posted this comment on a friend's blog in response to a discussion on the ever-so-popular (or unpopular) single's ward enigma, which I'm posting to myself as a reminder for the days when I feel like the odd one out:
I don't think being married suddenly solves some of the cultural ideosycrasies of the Church, makes you fit the mold, or makes you another cookie-cutter member of the family "club." Even now that I'm married, I often feel like the oddball in the ward, like my husband and I are different. But it doesn't make me less active and it doesn't make me question the pure gospel and Spirit that is the foundation of the Church as a social structure. It doesn't make me question those who already have two children and are younger than me, or myself for not having two children yet. I'm okay with being myself, if that means being different. Everyone is different.
You will always be unique. If or when you are married and have a family, I think you will still struggle to be a unique individual and couple raising a family that is completely one of a kind. You will never have a stereotypical family because you are not a stereotype, and that's what makes you so awesome.
I'd encourage you to embrace your individualism and the marvelous qualities that make you who you are, including that you are single and stylish and living in New York and have awesome hair. That's what everyone loves about you, and that's what the Lord loves about you. I don't think he would have you change a thing--single or not.
No matter where you are or what you are doing or who you become in your life journey, you can be yourself and know that the Lord doesn't require you to be anything else. You're just what the world needs.
Monday, November 9, 2009
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9 comments:
I know that I am not the single New Yorker that you were addressing, but this post was so good for me. Sometimes I feel very out of place in Utah, which is odd because I never felt out of place in New Zealand.
perfectly stated!
I was told by a stake president that i need to stop putting off marriage for a carreer or a degree (refering to Kimball from miracle of forgivenss) and that i need to stop hanging out (dallin oaks) and that dating is not supposed to be comfortable (deiter uchtdorf).
I feel like singleness in the late 20's is seen as an affliction. Something that needs to be addressed. I have a sinking suspicion that my parents are fasting for me to get married. I don't know how i feel about that.
From another single New Yorker:
It's taken me a little while to be okay with the fact that my road is not the typical one either, but as this new life settles down in me I feel more and more that I'm where I need to be and I feel pretty peaceful about it all. That said, I definitely can relate with those who wonder why they are the different ones. It's not always easy, though I do have to remind myself that even the people with the lives that seem perfect and right on track have struggles that most of us don't even know about, and would never want.
Liz,
you are so wonderful! thanks so much for you great thoughts and insights. they made me feel so much better! also thanks for sharing your thoughts on your blog, as they're really inspiring. is nice to read about other people's comments on this and feel that I am not alone, that some of us are different but that it is fine, because we love God, and God loves us back, and that's all it matters. I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life, you included of course.It would have been awesome to get to know each other better while we were both in provo, but that doesn't mean we cannot be friends now! so lets be friends no matter if you are all the way in the other side of the country! xo
Single or married, the one thing I've learned about being a part of a church or any group of people is that you are never the odd one out when you've made someone else feel welcome and loved. It doesn't matter whether you live in Utah, NY, New Zealand, Washington or anywhere else in the world-"When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God."
Thanks, Fapili, for that comment. I would agree. The more I think about it, the more I recognize that feeling less than or "different" in a defensive way is so linked to pride, enmity, and selfishness. Coveting your fellow man's imaginary acceptance into an imaginary elitist club that doesn't even exist is simply a sign of selfishness.
Thanks for the reminder that the organization of the Lord's kingdom is the means for us to help one another, not just greedily seek after our own aggrandizement or ego-boost. If we can forget ourselves and remember to love and serve each other, we'll be embracing the true purpose of the Church as a social structure: it's a way to connect with and uplift each other, and that can happen in so many different ways (marriage included).
And . . . I'm off my soap box.
You have a way with words Miss Lizzy. I definitely haven't found my niche back in Provo, but c'est le vie, right? I'm sorry I missed Sam's dinner. I would have loved to have seen you.
I really like this! Thanks, Liz. I hope you and your hubby are doing great in Oregon.
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