I'''''''m SO Exctiiied to goto UTAH! woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Moving for Money

(Angel, Alan Taylor, me, Mindy, Leslie, Heather, Maggie, Farook)

Here's an old photo at me and Maggie's "Divorce Dinner" at Lamb's Cafe in SLC a few years ago. Maggie was moving away, so we sent out Divorce Announcements (so eloquently printed with a dying flower on the card) with the following photo and an invitation to the reception at Lamb's. It was quite the event.

Sigh. And what a divorce. I do miss my old friends terribly. I'm glad I can call them and catch up. I wish it were as easy to visit as it is to walk across the street, or the hall. Times sure have changed!

I've been feeling a little one-upped by the whole moving thing. We've been here about seven months now, and as much effort as I made to make this an easy transition (see former entry, "Moving 101"), I still feel like the new kid on the block staring out my window at a new and unfamiliar community. I may need to take all my own advice again, and spend more time connecting with people than sitting here blogging on my bum.

But I've also been thinking more about modern families and how our worldwide culture has changed with innovations in transportation and communication; i.e. people go where the money is (gold rush?), or where the jobs are, making that a priority over remaining connected with immediate/extended family and friends. Relationships, social structures, and support systems take less priority than educational and career advances.

So as many reasons as I've listed in my head to never live in Utah beyond college, I also realize that it's there where the majority of friends and now-family are centrally located, and I MISS THEM! However, Sam recommended that instead of flying 1,000 miles for a week (even with flight benefits) to have a decent face-to-face conversation with someone, perhaps I should develop friendships here. Yeah, yeah . . . probably a good idea.

I'm not saying I'm not extremely grateful Sam found his job here; this is a wonderful place. I am so happy for him and how well we are taken care of. But I do feel that social and emotional support systems (or a close circle of friends) is much more important for woman than it is for men, and that's where I'm struggling here. I fear that I will never make the kind of best friends I made when I was a student; there is nothing like a high school or college experience that surrounds you with people your age who have your same interests. I think about my greatest friends in life, and most are people with whom I lived, worked, played, or churched for many, many years. I suppose it's normal to still feel like the new kid after 7 months. Maybe this is the result of spending my entire youth in one city, in one school district. I'm not used to big moves. Little moves, yes. Big moves, no.

Maybe I need to get out of the house, join a club, get involved . . . Where can I find quirky, crazy, cerebral, artsy people with whom I can find mutual understanding? Sam commented once that my fine arts school was like a community of social rejects (said lovingly--don't quote either of us on that), but I see that. Nothing like getting together with a bunch of crazy, passionate, creative people like yourself to yell and make music and feel comfortable and really let your true colors shine. Little do the Oswegans know just how loud I can be. I'm afraid my interactions with the Safeway cashier and the bank tellers has not provided me with an opportunity to express myself. I feel so much shyer than I used to.

Whine whine whine.

So we're visiting Colorado and Utah (for Sydney's Peace Corps/Botswana farewell) in almost a week, and I feel like that's all I've been looking forward to for almost a month.

What can I say?

Sleepy Days

Not much is going on in my life right now. Don't have too much to talk about.

Sometimes I still think back on what a hard decision it was to leave my fall job at the quilt shop, knowing that I'd be facing the whole job search and unemployment situation all over again. I also recently cut ties with the web development company with which I was an independent contractor/copywriter; the company made me uncomfortable, they've been through round after round of layoffs, and I thought I'd better make a clean break before they annihilate the entire writing department and the whole company goes under (which, in my opinion, seems inevitable). I wasn't doing much writing for them anymore anyway.

And before those last two jobs, I was at McDonald's in Orange County, which, as a summer "experiment," was a job I knew I wouldn't have for very long. It also wasn't so good for my self-esteem either.

As a result of those past three jobs, I sometimes feel like a quitter and a bum. Since graduating college with my music degree, I may have looked in the wrong places for work, but finding decent employment that's a good fit for an odd fit (a bass-playing-fit) has been a real challenge either way.

But I'm not completely unemployed. I'm freelancing, and that's what I'm most qualified for, I think. The current gigs are fun and somewhat regular and enjoyable. I could be expanding more, doing more, finding more opportunities, but I also wonder now why I majored in music; it's not my greatest passion, at least not anymore. Funny how that happens.

Time for a life change.

Book 7: The Screwtape Letters and Screwtape Proposes a Toast

by C.S. Lewis
My Rating: 4 Stars

I would give it 5, but man, I had such a hard time getting through this book! It's super short, and really amazing, but I was really struggling to get through each chapter, mostly because I was doing a lot of rereading to understand what he was saying. I may be reading too much Beverly Cleary. I mean, I've read Screwtape before and liked it so much that I intended to read it again, but there's so much to think about.

So this may be a quick read, but there are so many life-altering principles being tossed around that if you're reading this book with the intent to change your character for the better, it's not such an easy read after all. And I can't be the only one that thinks C.S. Lewis's philosophical rhetoric is a little hard to follow.

For example, try speed reading this passage:

"Other ages, of which the present is one, are unbalanced and prone to faction, and it is our business to inflame them. Any small coterie, bound together by some interest which other men dislike or ignore, tends to develop inside itself a hothouse mutual admiration, and towards the outer world, a great deal of pride and hatred which is entertained without shame because the "Cause" is its sponsor and it is thought to be impersonal. Even when the little group exists originally for the Enemy's own purposes, this remains true. We want the Church to be small not only that fewer men may know the Enemy but also that those who do may acquire the uneasy intensity and the defensive self-rightousness of a secret society or a clique. The Church herself is, of course, heavily defended and we have never yet quite succeeded in giving her all the characteristics of a faction; but subordinate factions within her have often produced admirable results, from the parties of Paul and of Apollos at Corinth down to the High and Low parties in the Church of England."

----------------------------

Okay. If you're a speed reader, you likely look for words that stick out, important imagery/ideas, and the necessary connections between them. If you casually read this or glazed over this, you might come up with the following train of thought (if you're as dense as I am):

business - work
coterie - French fashion? Birdhouse? Say what?
hothouse - tomatoes
secret society/clique - Mean Girls
factions - fractions or math
subordinate - coordinates
Greek/Biblical locales - traveling? Huh?

My Resulting and Dumb Interpretation:
It's somebody's job to figure out French fashion (or buy a birdhouse) as means to grown hothouse tomatoes to give to Rachel MacAdams or Lindsay Lohan, the latter who "struggles" with math in Mean Girls and creates social subordinates after being one herself, and then we all travel together to Corinth and look for the constellation Apollos (if Apollos is a constellation; I missed 4th grade astronomy).

And as you can probably guess, this is wrong. It's all wrong.

Thank you and goodnight. But I do recommend the book. I think everyone should at least once, especially if you're a more saavy reader than I am.

The Smarter You Are, the Meaner You Get

An Evaluation for the Victims and/or Beneficiaries of Modern Wisdom

The following quiz is for those who feel "smart," not just those with a high school diploma or degree of higher education.

1. Does your education give you a sense of entitlement?

2. Do you see what you eat, wear, say, or do as the "right" way?

3. Do you scoff at individuals with poor grammar?

4. Do you still bring up your grades or academic achievements long after they're gone?

5. Do you grow impatient in conversations with people who know nothing about and/or have no interest in your field of study/expertise?

6. Do you say, "Really? You've never done/been/tried _____?" to people who have never done/been/tried that/there/whatever (as if such experiences are the keys to smartdom)?

7. Do you feel like you belong in the upper echelon of society?

8. Is your character defined solely by your political views?

9. Are you more cynical than you were about the world 5-10 years ago?

10. Are you disappointed with "the real world" (and not just the TV show)?

11. As a driver or traveler, do you continue analyzing situations and experiencing "road rage" long after the incident has passed?

12. Do you feel that you deserve to be in the position you are in?

13. Do you go on tirades about societal defects on the phone with unassuming telemarketers?

14. Do you think you know more or are wiser than your parents/elders?

15. Is your imaginary world more important to you than your family, friends, or spirituality?

16. Would you sacrifice any relationship to live your preferred lifestyle?

17. Do you believe there is a direct correlation between how much you know and how much money you make?

18. Are you thinking of everyone else's faults but your own as you read this quiz?

19. Are you depressed by the guilt of not having accomplished all you feel you are capable of accomplishing with your brilliant mind?

20. Do you spend more time talking about your great ideas than you do acting upon them?

21. Do you only read books that validate your point of view?

22. Do you try to be so open-minded that you are close-minded?

23. Do you justify all your actions with your own reasoning?

24. Do you try to convince the people you live with to do things your way?

25. Do you wonder if you could be any smarter than you already are?

26. Do you criticize literature or art as if you could do better?

27. Do you laugh at other people's "silly" ideas?

28. Do you think the vehicle you drive is the most practical or desirable vehicle for everyone on earth?

29. Have your extensive travels made you a total snob?

30. Do you feel like you could die tomorrow and feel satisfied because you've already seen and done it all?

RESULTS
If you answered "yes" to more than 50% of the above-listed questions, you may *consider the following:

• being laid off
• working at McDonald's
• unemployment
• making friends in low places
• getting over yourself
• charitable living

*PLEASE NOTE: This prescription may lead to a state of Hopefulness or Hopelessness (i.e. Despair) depending on proper intake, your brain chemistry, and your measure of teachability.

Bookworm photo by Brother O'Mara. Picky Patrisha photo by bethany actually. Angry face photo by {tribal} photography. Big truck photo by starving photographer.

Book 6: Jean and Johnny by Beverly Cleary

Jean and Johnny by Beverly Cleary
My rating: 3.5 Stars

I've been really into youthful, sentimental romances and chick flicks recently. I've ODed on Titanic, Penelope, 500 Days of Summer, Dr. Horribles Sing-a-long Blog (does that count?), Dear John, New Moon, The Ultimate Gift, and other movies that may have softened my brain matter enough that I can't even remember watching them. I think this is why my reading progress has slowed: too many movies.

Anyway, I really liked this book. It's short, cute, and written in the 50s, which is probably the biggest reason I liked it. I read a good portion of this out loud to Sam and was amazed by the heated debate it sparked as to whether or not Johnny was a jerk, a player, and a user (my opinion), versus Sam's perception that Johnny was a plain-old nice guy. Funny conversation.

Anyway, I loved that old-fashioned taste of, "Oh, Johnny, do you really think so?" and "Why, hello, Jean. How's the cute girl?" and trips to the drive in for a 10-cent soda. I loved how Jean and her sister sewed their own clothes to be economical (back in the day when you could sew your only clothes for less money than buying them; how has sewing become such an expensive hobby?).

I also appreciated the moral of the story, which is that young girls shouldn't be boy-chasers, especially when the boy doesn't really like you. I wish I'd had that direction in my youth; it would have saved me a lot of embarrassment and given me a dose of reality that may have kept me from developing into a delusional dreamer.

I have plenty of embarrassing stories of trying to persuade fellows to like me through the silliest means when they "just weren't that into me." Spare the young women some pain, I say, and teach them this lesson not to sacrifice their dignity for boys who are the main ingredients of unrequited love. Not worth it. It may not be the 50s anymore, but almost all of the social and moral standards of that time should still, in my opinion, be valid today.

Book 5: The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver

I'm struggling with my reading goals, but here are two more books I finished recently and a couple short blurbs about them. I'm running out of steam with this 52 books in 52 weeks idea. Not sure I'll make it. Any suggestions from you avid readers?

The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver
My rating: 4.5 Stars

Barbara K. is one of my favorite authors--she definitely was in high school when I read this book for the first time. Rereading it now, it's still so good. I think this is Ms. K's first novel published, although she published short story collections prior to that (like Animal Dreams).

I want to quote a gazillion of my favorite lines from this book (more specifically the Southern "My mama used to say" lines), but here are just one.

"The way I see it," she said, "a person isn't nothing more than a scarecrow. You, me, Earl Wickentot, the President of the United States, and even God Almighty, as far as I can see. The only difference between one that stands up good and one that blows over is what kind of a stick they're stuck up there on."

I finished reading this while I was visiting with my aunt and grandma in Dayton, and between spending time with them and reading The Bean Trees, I consumed more of these kinds of great, motherly quips than I ever have in my life. So as I read, I was more and more attracted to all these "by hook or by crook" kind of lines.

There's so much wisdom in simple Southern phrases that get passed on, and I feel far from wise because I cannot get any to jump off the tip of my tongue unless I'm quoting Forrest Gump. Aunt Toni tossed in one that was so good on our drive back from Columbus on Friday, I can't even remember it, but I remember thinking, "Huh, if I'd just had that 5-word phrase in my vocabulary, I'd have saved myself from a whole lot of trouble up until this point." Too bad I can't remember it.

So if there isn't a dictionary of Southern Mother's Helpful Catchphrases, maybe somebody better start working on it, because I'd like to purchase it.

What to Watch & Read When Ethnicity Comes Back to Haunt You

Continuing on the big, nappy subject of a black woman's hair, here are two links I've so enjoyed in response to the previous post, When Ethnicity Comes Back to Haunt You. Thanks Becki and Cathy!

1) Chris Rock's Documentary, Good Hair.

I am definitely dependent upon creamy crack. It burns baby, it burns--but it works wonders. I'm excited to see this!

Read about it/Watch a preview

2) "Zahara Jolie-Pitt & the Politics of Uncombed Hair"A critical view of what white folk might do with an adopted black girl's hair. And particularly, wealthy, famous white folk named Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

Read it.

A Tragedy

I dropped the laptop on the way to Ohio. It still works, we just have to plug it into a separate monitor. So writing away from home means going to the library, or back to old-fashioned pen and paper--which I think is a good thing. I feel like writing on the laptop provides too many distractions for an undisciplined soul such as myself (i.e. the internet and the blog).

But someday a book will form! I'm determined! And without that day job, I have no excuses. Go team go!

Ducky's Oregon Adventures

My friend Liza forwarded me a rubber duck in the mail, to which I first thought, somebody got the wrong address. But after reading the notes in the envelope, I figured it out. An elementary school class in Iowa is seeing the world through little rubber ducks by sending them all over the country/world. (I suppose this is how Iowans experience culture beyond the Great, Expansive Plains. I can dig it.)

Up above is Ducky in the wet and wild forests near one of nineteen Lost Lakes in Oregon. So, I'm not sure which Lost Lake we were at, but it was on the way to the beach--we were looking at campsites for Sam's Boy Scout troop (he's the new Scoutmaster).

Me and Ducky @ the Willamette River.

This was like passing on fermenting Friendship Bread or forward-this-spam-or-you'll-never-find-love-and-will-die-young e-mails--only more fun and without fatal consequences. We were instructed to introduce this rubber duck to Oregon and send some photos to the class. Sam and I were really excited to take Sully out to see the world so here are more adventures with Ducky in our beautiful Oregon home:

Ducky in the twiggy winter woods.

Ducky in a mossy nest.

Ducky in the Oregon jungle.

Ducky at the Willamette River park near our house.

Sam saves Ducky from floating away down the river.

No, we're not burning Ducky. He watched Sam build a fire to heat up our lunch. Smokey homemade pizza warmed on the rocks = deeelish.

Ducky at Lake Oswego's historic Iron Smelter.

And, of course, we took Ducky with us to get surfries at the Giant. See him in the corner?

Ohio's Skyline Chili

Aunt Toni, me, and Janet for lunch.Janet tried looking up things to (and things to eat) in Dayton, Ohio, where we were in late February visiting relatives on our dad's side. As I suspected, she didn't find much. (However, we did miss out on the Wright Brothers' museum.) The only local eatery recommended was Skyline Chili, included in my French Fry Review.

If you need any more convincing about the insane amount of cheese on practically every item on their menu, here's the proof. Check out this blueprint of the chili-topped spaghetti dish because it just looks . . . oy. It looks like too much, if the pile of cheese doesn't already frighten your beating heart to stop.

Three little Conies, sittin' on a plate.

Me and Janet and the empty Greek Salad Plate--remnants of what I hoped would cancel out the following:

Chili Cheese Fries

And to "top" it off, we did not order this spaghetti dish, but marveled at its existence nonetheless.

Food photos by PlaysWithFood (Nancy Heller).

French Fry Reviews

Sam and I started a tradition maybe a year ago that revolves around spontaneously going out for French fries, my favorite food. Say we’re driving home and nothing good is on the radio and the weather isn’t conducive to utilizing the features of a convertible top and you think to yourself, you know, a hot, crispy French fry would take this moment from Average to Very, Very Good.

When you get that feeling, you simply say, “Surfries!” and we go to the nearest, tastiest, or most convenient fry-producing institution. Last night we went to The Giant, a hamburger place in Lake Grove that has really great fries. They’re always hot and fresh, and something about their room temperature fancy ketchup packets is just right.

I’ve been recommended to visit Potato Champion, which is the next fry institution on my must-try list. Potato Champion is in that cart city—that parking lot full of food vendors downtown—and they serve something called Poutine: fries smothered in gravy and fresh cheese curds.

I want to go! Arrr!!! I want fries!!!! [I’m not done.] FRIIIIIESSSS!

In Portland's great food scene, I have yet to explore some superb institutions I know are waiting for me with a hot basket of sliced-up potatoes. Don't worry. I'm on my way.

Here's my rating of ten popular fry-makers:

(10 = least fav, 1 = most fav)

10. Applebee's - Just because I'm listing this institution does not mean I support it at all. This is a warning: I like nothing about Applebee's, including their cold stale fries. I'm sticking my tongue out right now.

9. Carl's Junior - Yes, these battered fries may have spice, but are always too greasy, leaving that filmy oil-coated feeling in your mouth.

8. Wendy's - Usually served nice and hot, these fries are a good shape and size, but aren't the most flavorful and can sometimes taste kind of fake.

7. Skyline Chili - I have more to say about this Ohio chili chain. I had a great time there with Janet and my Aunt Toni. The fries weren't bad--a good cut between shoestring and Wendy's-size. But Skyline, I just want to ask you about that monstrous pile of cheese. Is this some kind of trick? What are you trying to say? More importantly, what are you trying to do? With cocoa and cinnamon in this famous chili, I recommend going for the experience. If you can't decide between the famous coney or chili-cheese fries, flip a coin . . . or just get both. That's what we did.

6. McDonalds - That nostalgic shoe-string fry tastes pretty good, as processed as it may be. It will stay crispy on your car floor forever. I like to eat a wad of them dipped in McDonald's BBQ. Growing up, we called this "bubblegum." Don't know why. Props to this chain, my alma mater.

5. Del Taco - Gotta love the non-oven-baked-but-deep-fried crinkle fry served in a large soda cup. I'll go out of my way for fries here. It's like going to the circus.

4. Red Robin - Thick steak fries that taste so good (although are not consistantly well-prepared or hot depending on the service). But I love that all-you-can-eat-fry-basket idea. It keeps me loyal.

3. Lake Oswego Creamery - The service was excellent. A side of fries was not on the menu, but after an exhausting day and a painful trip to the dentist, I boldy asked for a side of fries and got it. Hot steak fries smothered in ketchup just hits the spot.

2. The Giant - I don't know why, but the two times I've had these fries I've felt extremely satisfied afterwards. This local delicassey is served super-hot and tastes amazing. Love the ketchup in the longer, black foil package at the table. Good pick.

1. That One Fish & Chips Place on the Coast of Whitby in the North of England - Yes, please. That's all I have to say.

Who makes your favorite fries?

Photo by Alicia Griffin.

Covenants: Why?

Here's a quick blurb as I haven't written in a bit. These are responses to a friend's survey for a talk on keeping covenants.

What is it that I do to remember the covenants I've made?
I try to keep the simple commandments like prayer and scripture study to remind me of who I am and my relationship to God. I try to attend the temple regularly and read my patriarchal blessing often.


What do I do specifically to keep those covenants?
I keep trying to discover every day what the Lord's plan is for me and what I should be doing with my life. I stay loyal to my husband. I try to be kind to others, do family history, accept and fulfill callings, pick myself up when I make mistakes, and find out and live what God's plan is for me.


How does keeping my covenants bless me?
I find a great sense of peace in knowing I am where the Lord wants me to be, doing what I feel He wants me to do. A member of my bishopric shared this quotation I like: "No man can have peace who is untrue to his better self." I feel that keeping my covenants is the only way (a way I could never figure out on my own; i.e. the Plan of Salvation) to become my best self and thereby have peace in my life.


If I realize I'm struggling, what do I do to get back on track so that I'm keeping my covenants?
I talk with trusted friends, family, mentors, or my bishop: people who sometimes have a clearer vision of my best self than I do. I seek encouragement, I pray, I turn to the scriptures, I read old journal entries of times I felt motivated to make positive changes in my life, and I repent (i.e. I make an effort to change). To spend time in the temple, in nature, or on my own in a state of meditation helps me to refocus on who I am and what my responsibilities and obligations are.


What makes keeping my covenants hard? What makes it easier?
To me, I find it difficult sometimes to take a general commandment and figure out how it applies to me or what specifically I should be doing. For example, the principle of sacrifice: what do I need to sacrifice in my life to be closer to God? Or service: I know I need to serve, but who needs my immediate help right now?

It makes it easier for me to keep an eternal perspective. I reflect at the end of the day or an era in my life and look for ways that the Lord has been there guiding me. Sometimes looking back in retrospect and realize that oh, I (or we) accomplished something and I didn't even see it. Then I'm more motivated to keep going in that direction towards goodness.

How does keeping my covenants help me?
As a convert, I was very drawn to the Church because of the high standards my high school friends kept (Linda, Laura, Lindsay, Steve, Adam, and so many others).

I had never had a specific set of moral standards laid out for me. I wanted to be a good person, but didn't always know specifically what to do to become a good person. My friends didn't swear, dress immodestly, drink, smoke, or get in trouble with boys, but even more than that, they understood the reasoning behind those standards of virtue. They understood who they were: children of God with a desire for purity. They knew sin would drive the Spirit of God away.

Now, as I'm older and I don't review the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet as often, going through endowments, sealings, and ordinances at the temple is more like my "For the Strength of Me" experience, and it's even more comprehensive. Through my temple covenants I've made a promise to keep specific standards of virtue and purity in the same way I committed to keep those youth standards as a young, newly baptized convert.

And just like the standards for the youth, the temple helps me understand who I am so I have an understanding of why keeping those covenants is so important. I feel a lot of strength in having a foundation of specific moral standards to uphold throughout my life.